• Posted by mm13 on September 5, 2017 at 6:40 pm

    I am 20 years old and in my last year and a half of my Bachelor’s degree. I have been in a relationship for a year and 2+ months, with 6+ months of it being long distance. My boyfriend lives around 7 hours away from me, and we try and see each other every 1-2 months. We both have a lot of concerns about the future, I have to go to graduate school for the career I want which may put me even further away. There is also a chance that if I get the scholarship I want, I will have to move anywhere in the country that the scholarship chooses to work for 3-4 years after graduate school. My boyfriend has his own career goals and really wants to travel and work with developing countries. I personally have been thinking about the future a lot and am honestly terrified, and know he has his fears too.

    With that intro, the real reason I am here is because I have committed infidelity. Twice. The first time (about 7 months ago), my boyfriend chose to stay with me and work it out. However this second time he ended things (understandably). Neither time did I come clean to him; the first time he found out before I could tell him and the second time I did not plan on telling him because I was selfish and didn’t want things to end but he found out anyway. I never thought I would be one to cheat, especially not multiple times. I still really love my boyfriend and believe that he is my life partner but I am conflicted because a big part of me feels like he deserves so much better and that it would be better for me to just bow out. I realize that no matter how much I want it to work, whether we stay together is really up to him at this point. He is incredibly angry and hurt right now so I am trying to give him space. I would like to use that time to get to the bottom of why I cheated, and what I can do to better myself and get away from this toxic person I have become. I hope that you can help me some with this.

    whathaveidone replied 5 years, 2 months ago 3 Members · 2 Replies
  • 2 Replies
  • joe-marshall

    September 6, 2017 at 7:19 am

    I am truly sorry for the situation you have placed yourself in, and will offer my humble opinion and advice.

    First, your boyfriend does deserve better, you are not in a good place right now, and have issues to work out before you will be able to get into a healthy relationship with anyone… him, or otherwise.

    To add to that, your careers are headed in different directions, and it will be quite some time before jobs and locations settle down, that’s not good for a relationship, period.

    You need to let this end, and go your separate ways for now, it will be better for you all at this point.

    Now, I commend you for realizing that you have issues you need to get to the root of, that’s the first step to finding them, and addressing them. I recommend professional counseling if that is an option for you.

    After you have addressed these issues, let your education and career take off, you are young, and have plenty of time for relationships later, get your life started first………

    In the mean time, don’t bear this alone, reach out to God in prayer, he is listening, and can help………Also, seek council with trusted family, friends, clergy, or all three.

    I wish you the very best, and will say a prayer for you all.

  • whathaveidone

    September 12, 2017 at 3:43 pm

    You have already started yourself on the correct path. Accepting that you have a problem….You need to do exactly what you said. You need to get to the bottom of why you cheated. Seek professional help for this. Your boyfriend is angry and hurt. If he comes back it will be his choice. He will not come back to you the way you are now. None of that matters though. You need to change who you are because you want to be a better person and get away from the Toxic behavior. If you only do it to “win” him back then the changes won’t be real or long lasting. You need to change because its what you want. When you are done and its meant to be. He’ll be there. If not then take this life lesson and find your happiness.

    I hope that helps with giving you a direction. We are here to help the best we can.