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  • Help I don’t know what to do

    Posted by francy123 on September 14, 2018 at 1:37 pm

    5 weeks today, my husband whom I have known for 22 years since we were 16 and 20 (and for both of us we lost our virginity with each other) admitted that he had been unfaithful.
    He could not keep it in anymore as he knew he was hurting me too much and I did not deserve it.
    He told me that in 21 years he has never cheated on me, but he doesn’t know why he did it with this girl. He said maybe curiosity, maybe because she is 14 years younger. It was not purely sexual but he could talk to her, things were easy going as he did not have to think of problems, work, money etc. This girl was looking after our 4 year old. He told me they started seing each other approx 9 months ago when he was doing a very stressful job.
    He has been distant for approx 1 year, with me, our 3 children, his family and mine.
    When she lived with us he was helping her to go to rehab as she had been on metadone for 10 years as she was a heroin user before. Turns out I have since discovered that she has also got him into drugs, I am suspecting it is crack. I am scared, lost I don’t recognise this man anymore. He started smoking cigarettes at the age of 42 and has always hated the smell of them and still does, but he uses them as a 10 min distraction from work stress.
    He has denied using drugs (and I was expecting this) but eventually said it was marijuana but I challenged him and said I knew it wasn’t.
    He tells me it is a month he has been doing them as he was going through too much since coming clean with me (do I believe it is a month? No, not really). I don’t want him alone with the kids, he wanted to go to marriage counselling since day one of telling me. He still sees her as he said he is struggling to end it alone. He wants to be with me but also has her in his head. She is not the woman of his life, he does not want to marry her and have kids and she has all negative points and does not know why he keeps going back as it isn’t sexual. I am now thinking whether the drugs are keeping them together.
    If he doesn’t come clean with drugs I can’t see how we could even start fixing our relationship.
    I am lost, confused I don’t know what is going through his head anymore.
    Just a few minutes ago she texted him asking him if we had made up and he said not yet as I was made with him as he returned at 4.30am last night and I was not talking to him… I don’t understand it’s like a friendship but I don’t know if that really is all to it!!!!
    Help anyone been through the same? It’s so painful

    francy123 replied 4 years, 2 months ago 1 Member · 0 Replies
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