Infidelity Support Group Forums Rant-Rave-Questions Help please…any advice would be appreciated

  • Help please…any advice would be appreciated

    Posted by stephanie003 on June 30, 2017 at 10:40 am

    Married a year and a half; W 49 H 45. Find out husband was (still is) cheating with a 41 year old waitress. Have been unable to garner concrete proof, such as photos, or catching them together. Husband denies even knowing her but yet stopped by restaurant for breakfast for a year or longer while she was working. Many indicators that they see each other- very lengthy long story. (Any questions feel free to ask I will explain.)

    Husband went through all the stages: emotional distance, picking arguments, defensiveness, inciting every thing that is wrong with me. Went through this cycle for about 6 months…finally I woke up and started digging a bit and eventually figured it all out. I was SO SO NAIVE AND IT NEVER ENTERED MY MIND THAT HE WAS CHEATING ON ME, I trusted him and had faith in him as my husband. He owns and operates several businesses so I know he is under a great deal of pressure and through all the indicators I’m thinking it is business related. NOT!

    **Please forgive me if this is all muddled but I am emotionally drained and mentally worn out.**

    OW was proud enough to post on her FB page constant updates about our marital problems and their once in a lifetime love (unbeknownst to me for a long time as I do not have FB) of course she never used our names. When I confronted husband about her post (after asking him about her and if he was friends with her- he denied knowing her) he would not look at her FB post. Told me if I was looking and keeping up with her post and it hurt me that was good for me as it was none of my business. This happened last summer 2016.

    It has been roller coaster ride since up until about 8 weeks ago. Me accusing and him denying. His behavior during has run hot and cold.

    All along husband claims he loves me and I am the love of his life etc. But he makes a point to stay near by her place of employment during the time she goes into work or is getting off of work.

    I have contemplated filing for divorce two times. I am torn because I do love my husband or who I thought he was….and I want my marriage to work but not sure if it’s even worth it. I don’t understand. For me it is plain and simple- if you no longer love or want the person your married to tell them, part ways and move on. Why play games??? To me if you are seeing another woman then you do not love the woman you are married to.

    So do I file for divorce with out concrete proof?? Or do I continue the charade until the truth comes out or he tires of the marriage or tires of her??

    stephanie003 replied 5 years, 5 months ago 2 Members · 2 Replies
  • 2 Replies
  • joe-marshall

    Member
    July 2, 2017 at 3:54 pm

    I am very sorry for the situation you are in, and will offer my humble opinion and advice. It will be short, based on too little information, and I know that is what you are operating on as well.

    You have been at this for quite a while – I mean, I don’t know how you know he stays near her when she is at work, etc., but living the life you have been living is not much of one, I am betting you are exhausted.

    I can say this, it definitely sounds like he is cheating, I’d bet the farm on it, all the signs are there…For that reason alone, I do recommend you get tested for STDs ASAP.

    After that, I can say only this, he has to come clean, and the threat of divorce may be the only way to break him at this point, he seems to be holding on pretty tight to his story.

    That is all I can offer, based on the available information, except this: Please, please, don’t go it alone, you seem very upset, reach out to God in prayer, he is listening, and can help………Also, seek council with trusted family, friends, clergy, or all three.

    I wish you the very best and will say a prayer for you all.

  • stephanie003

    Member
    July 3, 2017 at 9:14 am

    I appreciate the response and advice very much. My post are broken up and muddled- much like I am on the inside. Since he owns and operates several businesses he is constantly driving and “checking” on job sites, during his checks on job sites he rides by her place of employment and is in that area often but especially when she is getting off work in the afternoons. I work 8 to 5 on the clock Monday thru Friday. She typically gets off work about 1:30. He has no clock to punch nor any boss to answer to.

    He will never admit to any wrong doing. I have not asked for divorce or brought it up to him- though I know in my heart and gut that even if I did it would not make any difference. He will not admit it. My gut instinct tells me that he is in love with this woman. So at this point the best I can do for myself is file for divorce and move on. Even though I KNOW this is what I need to do it is still difficult. Currently I took off work this week to spend time with grandson, so not an opportune time to discuss divorce with husband. I’m a little stuck right now.

    I have prayed many hours and cried many hours. I try to keep God at the center of my life- right now I am numb and in a bad place. I am at a point I don’t care anymore.