Infidelity Support Group Forums Members Stories Help with the pain

  • Help with the pain

    Posted by rickl0701 on October 4, 2019 at 5:05 pm

    My fiancé and I have been together for almost 2 years.  We both left terrible marriages and have been in love ever since.  It’s been a bumpy road at times but we are on the path to marriage next year.  I found out last night she had a one night stand on a business trip last month.  We were in a rough patch at the time and she felt the relationship may be eroding.  Since she came back from the trip we have been happier than ever.  For some reason I looked at her text messages last night and found the information.  I am devastated.  I love this woman like I’ve never loved another human.  I confronted her and we talked for hours and have decided to get therapy.  I’m not sure this is something I can recover from but want to try.  My heart is hurting so badly.  Anyone have advice?

    nikkifec replied 3 years, 1 month ago 5 Members · 4 Replies
  • 4 Replies
  • bart

    Member
    October 4, 2019 at 8:36 pm

     I don’t have any advice for you but I wish you the best. If you both truly love each other you should be able to find a way to work through this. 

  • sunny100

    Member
    October 7, 2019 at 5:09 am

    A similar thing happened to me. You have only just found out so the pain will feel raw for a while. I’m assuming she has shown remorse and regret if you are giving it another go? Couples counselling is essential to build your relationship again and your own counseling is needed for you. I didn’t believe in all thy before this. My thoughts which helped were not to focus solely on forgiveness but to learn to heal and let go. It feels pressurizing to have to forgive something like that I think. I’m still going through it just over 3 months later but I stayed because I could see his regret and pain at what he had done and he told me the next day. Painful time. Not sure I could ever forgive something so cruel but I am working mostly on making myself better and stronger 

  • anamaria

    Member
    October 18, 2019 at 11:24 am

    I think that cheating is awful.. but lying about it is almost worse.. you know? Because sooner or later the truth comes out.. and then what?? I think that if the person is willing to tell the truth and apologize and admit to the mistakes, there’s some hope… but it’s not an easy road.. 

  • nikkifec

    Member
    October 20, 2019 at 5:16 pm

    Much like sunny said, counseling is the way to go. If your partner shows what you think is true regret, then these sessions will be super helpful. Even, if by chance, you think she isn’t, counseling will still help. And if you can’t get anywhere with both of you in the sessions, going just for yourself will help ease that pain.