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Help!
Hello, this is my first time in a site. I will start by saying I am the cheater. I can’t even describe the pain I feel for what I did. It happened during a fight where I left him for several weeks. I had an affair with a ex boyfriend. Although we were sperated and fighting at the time of the affair there is no excuse for my actions. I slept with another man a day after I left him. My actions are literally eating me up inside. I hurt the love of my life in so many ways! I must say that our marriage witch was still a new marriage although we have been together for 7 years, was not doing well. There is no excuse for what I did.
My husband to my knowledge agreed to try to stay together and fix our marriage. It has been nothing but hell. I lied for several weeks before I was able to tell him what happened during my two week affair. I felt that discussing it would only make the situation worse. He ask me a lot of personal question and wants details of my actions. I find this hard to handle and odd. After telling me he was willing to try and fix things I caught him talking to several other women. And lately he has been hiding his phone and deleting messages. I worry he is just trying to hurt me the way I hurt him. He gas been very emotionally abusive. I know that what I did was very wrong and I don’t even deserve this second chance. But I also don’t deserve the way I’m being treated. I love my husband and I would be lost if he left me. Although I know at this time it’s my fault if he does. I feel like all of his actions he justifies with my affair. Although he is the one choosing to treat me bad. He tells me it’s my fault and I caused all this. I don’t know what to do or how to act. I’m emotionally drained. I have done everything he has asked and he keeps telling me that there are other women. I’m lost and I don’t know what to do.
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1 Reply
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I am so very sorry for the situation you are in, and will offer my humble opinion and advice. Some of it may come across as harsh, but you need to hear it – I assure you, I mean no ill-will.
Your first paragraph covers very-well whose fault it was (yours); and the fact that you are eaten up with guilt, remorse, etc. is actually a really a healthy sign, you know you did wrong, admitted it, and want to make amends, all good signs.
Now, on to the second paragraph…Your initial lying was a big mistake, but you came clean, so let’s move past that.
Everything after that is the result of the “absolute insanity” that being betrayed can cause someone…I know, trust me……been there twice…
Him wanting details, texting other women, treating you badly, threatening with “other women”; etc., that is all the result of anger, and hurt, plain and simple… Sometimes, when we are hurt like that, we lash out like a child, for example: “You hurt me, so I’m gonna hurt you back” That is what he is doing right now.
His anger and pain are SO fresh right now, and your head is not in the right place either, so I recommend that you all separate for while……
He needs the time to clear his head, and heal somewhat, and you need the time to ponder your actions, and try and determine what drove you to cheat.
Professional counseling is great for both of you, if that is an option.
After you all have calmed down a bit, you will be in a much better place to discuss the future together.
On a side note, I do recommend you and your husband get tested for STDs, that may not have been your ex-boyfriends only affair, and you all may have been exposed to something.
I wish you all the best, and will say a prayer for you all.
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